Disappearing act

Dearest bloggy friends -

I am currently locked away in the basement of our hospital library...studying and praying for my upcoming surgical and medical boards. I'm actually sitting for three separate boards in the next 30ish days...which means I am a big fat ball of nerves.

I will be back blogging once these crazy boards are over and calmness washes over my life again.

By the way - my babies are doing beautifully...and my husband (and mother law!) are deserving of some special award for awesomeness!

See you soon! (Wish me luck!!)
:-)
Jes

Clara turned two and it was a zoo!

in her new dress up clothes!

 Clara turned two this month. My lovely little lady... I still can't believe it...two!?

We spent the weekend with our family on New England. My mother in law and her sisters planned a rather phenomenal little party for Clara, with a ZOO theme! Which is perfect because Clara loves animals more than anything. (No really - she carries around arm fulls of her animal figurines and animal stuffed animals...begs to look at pictures of animals on the ipad and my iphone...loves watching video clips of animals...coloring pictures of animals...reading books about animals...you get the picture.)

jack got lots of snuggles!

My mother in law out did herself.  It wasn't just a theme for the cake and napkins - which is probably how I would have played it despite my Pinterest addiction.  They actually MADE her a zoo!! They took large black desks and made cage bars using black streamers. Each cage had a large scale stuffed animal in it - along with a name plaque. There was a huge snake (it was a puppet so Clara could "feed" it!), a monkey, seal, and large tiger. There were games played with peanuts and hand painted props. It was simply darling.  I took a long video with my iphone of Clara walking around the "zoo" for the first time - she was SO EXCITED!  And then my iphone malfunctioned and the video didn't save - which kills me.

She was given too many gifts.  That's what happens when the party is a dozen family members...and shopping for a 2 year old is the best thing ever.  Everything is magical and fun!  She got a bag of dress up clothes items, stuffed animals, art supplies, new pajamas, a circus tent fort, puzzels, books, and a few other animal toys (we gave her a small Little People farm...she loves loves loves playing with Little People...I did too when I was little...I will probably over indulge her in that stuff...oh well.)  Jack was given a few gifts as well...which Clara immediately claimed as her own.  That happens.

poor thing was so shy around the family!  she started crying while we sang to her!

The cake was gorg!  Her favorite thing was the fancy balloon that said "2" on it.  It's lasted forever and she carries it around the house with her everywhere she goes.  Cracks us up!

She had a great celebration.  We will miss spending birthdays with these folks when we move to Arizona.

Jack's birth story

Jack's story is so relaxed, and beautiful. Our birth experience with him was a dream - when I think about it makes me smile. I won't give a play by play - it would be boring... but I would love to share some highlights.

 I had Jack at the same hospital that I delivered Clara at - one of the hospitals that I work at.  Now that I have been here for three years now, I know a lot of the nurses.  Most of the nurses that cared for me during this whole experience were nurses that I knew and had worked with!  It was nice to have friendly familiar faced around...but it was actually also awkward to have them working on me in such an intimate way - and they almost all called me Dr. Lastname instead of Jessica.  And the anesthsiologist?  Yea.  I work with him all the time....which is/was also quite awkward.  I digress...

I was induced, again. I labored all day in our birthing room. Walking back and forth in our spacious room...rocking on the ergonomic exercise ball...squeezing Tommy's hand and breathing through each contraction.  When the contractions were only moments apart, and causing tears to roll down my cheeks, I called for the epidural - expecting to sleep for the rest of the day, like when I had Clara.  Except, after I got the epidural, I questioned if it even worked! I could still feel every contraction and could feel and move my legs!! I asked them to bring the anesthesiologist back to "fix" my epidural - I wanted that epidural! (What I really really wanted was the mega relaxing nap that accompanied my epidural when I had Clara - it was so restful.) 

Well, the anesthesiologist didn't make it - because in walked my Ob.  She told me it was time to push...I resisted...I wanted the epidural...I was scared of the pain!  She told me he was already crowning and I NEEDED to push.  I gave three mighty pushes and out came Jack!! It wasn't hours and hours of frustrating pushing - it was quick, and not nearly as painful as I thought it would be. It happened so fast!!! In fact, it was so fast that he had lots of facial bruising - which is normal for babies who come fast (I hear).

We were blessed to be able to achieve a breast feeding latch within minutes of his birth. I felt so mello...so..."this is normal."  It felt like THIS is how babies are suppose to be born.  No drama.  Fairly painless...(not pain free by any means...laboring was more painful than the actual birth.)  But it wasn't scary.  It didn't seem like something happening TO me...this time I felt more present, like I was more in control.  It wasn't the out of body experience I had before...I was there. 
 

 

My hospital stay in the maternity ward was a dream. I had a room to myself.  I ate lots of chocolate cake... drank lots of ginger ale and never had to take pain meds stronger than Motrin. SUCH a different experience than with Clara!! (Where I couldn't walk, move, eat, sleep, shower, etc for several days!). 

Speaking of Clara...I missed her while I was at the hospital.  Missed isn't really the right word.  I longed for her.  When my mom brought Clara to the hospital I was overjoyed to see her and hug her and introduce her to her new little brother.  I was so curious to see her reaction to him!  But really - I just wanted to hold her.  She looked so big marching into my room...like a little lady...not the baby I left at home.  And boy oh boy she did NOT like seeing me in a hospital bed.  Poor thing got so worked up...kept saying "mama is so sick!" and even started crying while she was hugging me.  It was sweet even though it was heart breaking.  We all tried to assure here that I was fine...but it's hard to convince a smart little girl who sees her mother in a hospital gown, in a hospital bed, with IVs and monitors all around.  She was a little curious about her baby brother...gave him a couple kisses on the head...and that was that...then she went back to being concerned about me.  Poor thing.  I missed her terribly when she left.  I think I may have even dropped a tear when I said good-bye. 

Little Jack is as sweet as can be.  He's been like that since day 1. His facial features are so distinct....so mature....and his disposition is so pleasant.  Like an old soul.  It was such a calm experience to spend those first couple of days with him in the hospital.  I felt like I knew what I was doing.  It wasn't my first rodeo...I wasn't freaking out about how to feed him, change him, dress him, bathe him...I knew those things now.  I LOVED that he never cried in my arms.  I LOVED that when the nurses, aids and doctors would come check him out and he would get somewhat fussy, the second he was back with me he would stop immediately.  He knew that I was his mama.  Made my spirit soar. 

By the way, the chocolate cake was awesome.

When are you due!?

One if my inpatients asked me when I was due. Yea. That really happened today, 5 weeks after I birthed my sweet baby boy.

I smiled. But mentally cussed him out.

Alla's Vera Wang dress

One of my closest friends from residency got married this past fall...at The Plaza Hotel in NYC. I can't even begin to describe the elegance and opulence of her wedding - it was on the level of a royal wedding. Seriously. After the event i even had to ask her if she was Russian royalty - to which she laughed and said no ... but I'm not so sure! I, unfortunately, wasn't able to attend - which just about killed me. *sigh*

When Alla showed me pictures of her in her Vera Wang dress I almost lost it! She looked just like a princess. I had to have Megan Hamilton sketch the dress as a gift. I love giving Megan Hamilton dress sketches to my bride friends...such a special heirloom. Her Etsy shop now features all sorts of fun products like notecards, tote bags and wedding toppers!

Alla framed her dress sketch and hung it in her bedroom the same day I gave it to her. Love that!

First day back at work

So. Little Jack turned 5 weeks old yesterday - and it was also my first day back at work.

I had planned for 6 weeks of maternity leave - yet due to circumstances beyond my control I got called to come back to work a week early. I was initially broken hearted to miss that last week with my newborn...than I got mad.

My first day back was rather uneventful. There were no tears this time - I think I was a little too scorned for tears. So i gave myself ONE day to be upset... one day to feel sorry for myself, to curse my professional choices. Residency is so weird - your life doesn't always feel like your own. Anyway, I refuse to feel sorry for myself today. Life and responsibilities go on. I can do this.

Art sale!

You know I love my Tina Tarnoff papercuts - I have them all over my house. Well, she has a couple new designs that are drop dead gorgeous AND a 20% off sale going on in her etsy shop right now until Thursday - gotta act fast!

http://www.tinatarnoff.etsy.com/

Use code SPRING20SALE at checkout.

Ready....GO!

(The designs below are Jane Eyre and THe Princess and the Pea - so delightful!!!)

Clara turns two

My sweet little love turns two today. I snuck up next to her crib last night and watched her sleep. She literally looks like a little angel in there.

I am still amazed by how fast these moments have flown by. Such a whirl wind of adventures we have enjoyed together. I know we have many many more to look forward to.

We are spending the day in New England - surrounded by family. Her party is ZOO themed! Animals are her obsession - so we thought that would be fun for her :-)

Enjoy your weekend, too!

Clara as a big sis

Our sweet girl turns TWO this week - which has me reeling.  How did that happen?  Wasn't she just a newborn yesterday?  Yes, yes she was.  Now I'm convinced that time flies even faster with children! And let's not forget Jack - who turns 1 month old this week!  Time?  Where did it go??

 I've gotten a couple emails asking how Clara's transition has been with the introduction of baby Jack into our world. Lets just say that up to this point she has been pretty oblivious to his existence. She mentions him sometimes...."Baby Jack is so sleeping!" or "Baby Jack is so crying!"  And she has begged to hold him once or twice.  But for the most part - she doesn't want much to do with him.  This will surely change. We hope.

In other news...she does go around all day singing the ABCs and Happy Birthday...which is pure adorableness.  We will celebrate her birthday with our New England family this weekend.  So excited to celebrate Clara and to introduce Jack to the family!

jack's newborn pictures

Our wonderful friend Amanda of (Amanda Bills Photography) came over and snapped a few gems of our little guy a couple weeks ago.  I swoon!  They are so so sweet!
 
 Fortunately, Amanda brought a whole bag full of props...soft blankets, a white noise machine (which worked like a charm, holy cow!) and lots and lots of newborn baby hats.  She has 4 daughters, so you can only IMAGINE her assortment of bows and pretty little frilly things!  I was so thankful, as none of the cute hats that we have even fit his head yet.  She used a bunch of our throw pillows and converted our living room into a make-shift studio...and she did it in about 20 seconds. 

Amanda was some sort of baby whisperer.  He didn't flinch after she would position him...he never whimpered, or fussed...it was amazing.  He is such a good little one.   I'm so glad we got these pictures.  Treasures to add to our collection.

our Aunt Clare MADE this divine baby blanket for Jack...isn't it gorgeous!?

How we chose our baby's name

My husband and I tried to keep both of our children's named a secret during our pregnancy. We wanted to avoid hearing people's thoughts about the names we selected...you just never know what people are going to share. To be honest I let it slip a few times with Jack - much to my dismay reactions tended to be lack luster - eh.

Jack was the top name on both my name list and Tommy's - interesting huh!? It's always been one of my fave names. I love that it is just a classic name and isn't trying hard to be flashy or fancy.

So in this case choosing a name was easy since it was both of our number 1 names. The tricky part was sticking with it as I kept second guessing the selection. I entertained other names and nearly made myself crazy.

In the end we went with the name we liked the most. Had to trust our gut! We are so happy we did - the name fits our little guy so well.

Yawn

We are all exhausted around here. I miss sleep - like really really really miss the luxury of sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time. Oh man.

We are all acclimating to our newest family member - and he is such a little sweetie. I almost forgot how nice it is to hold a newborn. He curls up so perfectly into our arms - *sigh* - just love that.

Clara still doesn't quite know what to think about it all - but she is being such a trooper. Tommy and I are having such a nice time being home with our little family all together. Feeling blessed.

101 weeks + 1 week + 1 day

Jack is 1 week and 1 day old...Clara is 101 weeks old!!

Jack has been with us for one week and one day.  And what a week it was!  Clara has been with us for 101 weeks...and what an adventure it has been!  My babies.  My heart.

My mom left yesterday.  I sobbed.  No really....SOBBED all day just thinking about her departure.  My sobbing inevitably made her sob....it was ridic.  But...she had done so much to help us while she was here.  She would wake with Clara, feed her and get her going in the morning.  She'd let me nap and occupy Clara...hold baby Jack.  She'd prepare our meals...do our dishes...scrub our floors...dear Lord...what an angel.  How was I going to do this without her!?  (Mother's are so special...talk about unconditional love.)

I'm looking forward to figuring this out...this is one aspect of the balance and art of motherhood.  I get 6 whole weeks with my little loves.  Never again will I have such a span of time with them exclusively.  Now it's down to 5 weeks.  And next week, they will be going off to college.  So I will savor this crazy, hormonal, exciting, amazing, terrifying, sleep deprived adventure of mine...and just love the stuffings outta them!

PS:  Clara doesn't quite know what to think about it all...but they sure are cute together!

let me introduce you to our son...

Jack Kapitan

arrived on February 6th, 2013 at 2:04 pm...

... at 7 pounds 14 ounces and 20.5 inches of wrinkly old man good looks.

His birth was beautiful and quite an honor.

This little boy didn't even have to steal my heart...

I gave it right to him the second I held him in my arms.

We are now blessed with two lovely babies.

Thank you for your sweet words, bloggy friends, they mean so much.

a few moments after he was born!!!

first sibling kiss - melted my heart.

 Note:  How I am doing, where my sanity went, and if I will ever find it again will be discussed at another time.  As will the "story of Jack"... but all of that will have to wait until another time.  My mother has been here for the past week and a half and she leaves tomorrow (which makes me weep!) SUCH an angel to be here with us to help navigate the road of having two babies under two.  Tomorrow I will be flying solo...sooo... until we meet again!

let's DO this birthing thing!

back when Clara was a baby

OK folks.  This is it.  Today is the day. 

I worked a half shift today and I have a couple more hours before my husband and I go check in at the hospital to begin the birthing process.  I feel motivated...and focused...and eager to meet this little guy!

But I have to admit, I am already exhausted.  Ha...and I don't even have the newborn in my arms yet. Last night, my husband and I were a little on the jittery side (well, I was anyway).   It was our LAST full night of sleep for a long time.  That reality made me nervous and a little sad at the same time (probably strange to admit that.)

Thankfully, my mother has been here since Saturday - what a BLESSING!  Being Clara's full time play companion while I tie up all sorts of loose ends at work.  And she's been preparing our dinners, washing our dishes, cleaning our house!  Oh man - I feel so spoiled and so so lucky to have her here during all of this excitement!  She is so amazing. 

I will see you on the other side of this adventure.  Please keep the health and safety of our little boy in your hearts these next couple of days!

TIME TO MEET BABY NUMBER TWO!!  WAHOOOOOO!!

baby announcements

I like to plan.  Sometimes I am better at this than others.  It gives me a sense of "calm" to know what comes next...or be organized...to have my ducks in a row.  This way I avoid getting flustered...making rash decisions...and getting annoyed with myself.  Eh - and yet most of the time I am a roll with the punches/rash decision maker anyway. 

Well...I've been day dreaming about baby announcements...since we will be selecting one in the next couple weeks as we announce the arrival of our little baby boy!  I've been scoping the cute designs at Magnet Street  - one of my favorite companies (beautiful quality, outstanding prices, great collection of designs!)  These are a few that I like the best.  Which one do you like?

I am leaning towards this one because it reminds me of the fun colorful graphics we used for Clara's announcement.

I think this one is my favorite...but it doesn't have a picture...and it's nice to get pictures of baby!

PS: today my mom and I are taking Clara to see Disney on Ice!  She's never seen any of the Disney movies...and doesn't know any of the characters except Mickey and Minnie...but we are crossing our fingers she enjoys the experience!

family dynamics

our little fam

I am still struggling to understand how the dynamic of our family is about to be completely revamped in the next few days. I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of having a son. A second child. A newborn. Another soul to live for...provide for...love.  How is this going to change everything? Because I'm positive that everything is about to change...everything. Just like when Clara arrived...and our world was never the same. It became a more glorious place for us...it's been the best 99 weeks of my life with that little sweetie pie (oh yea...she is 99 weeks old this week!) 

I wonder how wiped out I am going to be. I wonder about being sleep deprived with a needy newborn and yet needing/wanting to play and care for my almost 2 year old.  I wonder if she will understand...probably not. I wonder how I will manage this by myself when my husband is working at his current long term sub job everyday.  I wonder how I will get two little ones in the car at the same time to run an errand...logistically...how does that work?  I wonder if this will be the last time I will be pregnant?  Oh...and don't even get me wondering about how I am going to study for my surgical boards that take place in a couple short months...I have to pass them or I don't have a job when I graduate.

Oh life - you are so dang colorful.  And mysterious.  And wonderful.

99 weeks old!

PS:  my mother comes today from Arizona.  She is here to care for Clara while Tommy and I are at the hospital this week welcoming our little guy!  I've been praying that I wouldn't go into labor before my mom gets here as we had NO plan B with what to do with Clara.  (Though I guess that's not entirely true...as one of the nice young mother's in my apt complex offered to take Clara if we have an emergency...which was very very sweet...don't you think!?)